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Dating, from the female perspective

Written by Daniel Otero

“I don’t want any man treating me like a piece of cake!” – Yan Chen

By: Daniel Otero

With these words began the never ending battle of the sexes over how to properly date, and many females asking me, “Why not write something from the female perspective?  Why did you forget us?” And I thought, yes, why not write about females, what they feel, go through and want.  Since we guys miss all the obvious signs.

Frustrated at my own forgetfulness, I decided to correct my views and try to present the point of view from the other side.

Then, the title to this article came like a flash, as I was asking a dear-friend and colleague how she felt about certain men!  This was her automatic response which nearly ‘floored’ me (since I couldn’t stop laughing, sorry Yan Chen): “I don’t want any man treating me like a piece of cake!” In other words, she didn’t want to be seen or treated like a sex object.  She wanted a man to also care and be in love for her personality.

And thinking about it, isn’t this what all human beings want?  To be loved and cared for.  Why females should be the exception to the rule and why we boys miss all these chances?

Therefore, I thought, it is time to say the obvious to males, “Before getting intimate with any woman, please get to know her heart and mind first!”

Another teacher and colleague told me that she wanted a man who was considerate to her.  She wanted to feel relaxed on her first date and not on her nerves. Moreover, she wanted her date to be interesting.

Because any female who already says, “Yes!” to her first date means she is curious and interested on what the male has to say.  But it all starts with good listening skills on both ends.

A woman’s voice wants to be heard like any man.  This is where everything begins for both sexes.  From the point of liking each other, going out on dates, to falling in love.  Ah, those romantic-candlelight dinners for two, what would we do without them?  Taking in a private-quiet scene, or maybe it’s a picnic of sorts; just to be together.  Most couples go for a dinner and movie.  This all develops in a matter of time.  There are no shortcuts when it comes to love and a female wants to speak.

But the vital question here follows, which must come from the man’s lips, “How are you?  What’s the matter?  Are you alright?  How can I help you? Let me listen to you!” A female doesn’t want a man to fix her problems. She wants him to listen to her.  With the latter words mentioned, already a female feels cared for and wanted.  It isn’t only to please a man’s desires (as in the James Brown song, “It’s a man’s world”).  It is to help establish a basis of trust and equality, that is what any girl looks for at the end of the day!

For some ladies out there, they still want a man of mystery.  Suave and intelligent, but to a certain extent confident and funny.  Maybe it’s for the romance, but this has to be developed.  Most will go on to say, it’s all about respect; where the conversation takes those two people dating and how far are they willing to go to fall in love.

Did you know?  Human beings all want the same thing.  For a man, it’s to take the shorter route and for a female it’s usually the longest path to achieve friendship, to fancy, romance and then, love.  All the previous steps cannot go one without the other.

That’s why, when dating the ladies, go slowly; whether they are liberals or conservatives.  They are still searching for that fairy-tale love.  Certainly, most around the world want that level of romance in a quiet scenario and easygoing way. Without the pressures of daily life hurting them even more.  This is the moment she wants to be kept happy!

A lot of women like to bask in the details men put forth.  Lovely gestures can make her accept or lack of, can make her reject the male who is pursuing her.  That is why, when dating, begin with simple things like: dinners, flowers and treats (chocolates, etc.).  For any young lady, she wants to be the center of attention from the man who is going to be with her in the future.  Flattery and compliments are the biggest things a girl wants to hear and never overdo it!  Be a gentleman, therefore, be respectful!

Women in general want to feel respected and treated right.  That is why, although some are attracted to the ‘mystical-bad boy’, it doesn’t mean they want this kind of men in their lives.  In the long run, these kinds of men are destructive and tiresome in any relationship.  Avoid any illusions on a person changing.  Usually personalities are well cemented after 25-years of age.

For the ladies, do your best to avoid a man who is in anyway abusive: whether he drinks or gambles a lot.  This is a clear sign that this gentleman has no sense of responsibility and doesn’t know how to treat women.  He is still a boy in a man’s body!  If a female thinks she is going to change a man, ha, be careful!  People don’t usually change after they have lived over-a-quarter-century.  They only modify their behavior, etc.  So, I suggest for the ladies to runaway from these types of men.

A female can certainly tell you what she likes or doesn’t like, and when you’re not sure, do ask.

It’s cool to be honest; however, never be too blunt.  The majority of women hate this bluntness and it’s a complete turn off; whether it is to be intimate or have dinner when you’re getting to know each other or dating the first-few times.  Give each other sometime (personal space) to get to know one another.

This doesn’t mean that girls aren’t strong or to be treated like wallflowers.  It means that you are using techniques to make them feel more comfortable around you.

For most ladies, they would never tell man what they should do (Billy Joel said it in one of his songs, “Tell her about it!”).  Sometimes for men, confidence is a must and it’s to lead the way.  It doesn’t mean ladies cannot lead, it just means that a boy has to ‘man-up’ and be a man to lead the way. Some females enjoy a man who can take charge, but it is not to control them, it is to make them feel comfortable in decision making and safe in certain environments.

Because and after all, we are searching for something that only two people can find when there is mutual cooperation, love/like and respect.  With that said, ladies, enjoy your first date!

About the author

Daniel Otero

A New Yorker who has been living in China for the past 10 years. He's a freelance writer/journalist and ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher.

A former member of the military with extensive travel to 50 countries and has lived in six.

Lover of life, good food, travel, writing and dealing with social issues.