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Dating tips from a male perspective
Written by Daniel Otero

Dating tips at any age

By: Daniel Otero

Nobody is really an expert in this area, and behaviors will change from human being to human being–depending on the circumstances.  But these are some suggestions on the basic rules of dating.

In the ever complicated world of dating, until this day, males continue getting it wrong!  For some people what they should or shouldn’t be doing is a mystery. There isn’t a logical reason.  Here it’s all about reading the signs and not missing the ‘window of opportunity’.  This ‘window’ is very short and you only have less than 30-seconds to make a good impression.  But once you’re in a female’s good graces, you will have to keep the conversation going.

It is still the toughest thing in the world for a guy to make an approach, here is a way to make things a little easier.  Follow these basic methods.  When approaching somebody, never think of it as a ‘conquest’ or a competition.  You’re setting yourself up for failure and to ‘fall flat on your face’ the majority of times.  Think less on the romance, and more on, you’re going to make an approach to start a new friendship. With that said, the pressure is off and you can embark on talking to her about the weather or the tomatoes at the local supermarket for that matter.

The approach is done with a simple smile and hello.  But don’t over do it or come on too strong.  A female can sense your desperation.  So, go for it at ease.

Make her the center of attention.  In other words say, “Hello, may I ask you a question.” If she nods an okay, then go for it, “What do you think about the Chinese culture?” etc.  For those of us who live on this side of the world.  Start simple, easy and with a friendly gesture.

If the female gives you a smile in return, it doesn’t mean she is ready to date you or be your girlfriend.  She is possibly being friendly.  Take that as a sign to continue talking to her about whatever comes to mind.  If it’s going well, you’ll know in the first five minutes.  When it is not, learn to walk away and don’t insist!  There are people out there who are busy or maybe you’re not their type.  Don’t take it personal.  It’s just a rejection.  If It doesn’t work, you get on with life!  It is possibly for the best!  But if the conversation is going well or extremely well, you’ll notice some particular behaviors to watch for: how she crosses her legs in your direction, plays in the movement of her feet, plays with her hair, her level of eye contact is pretty good, if she smiles a lot or laughs at your silly jokes (even if they’re not funny), flirts, she will lean in your direction and so forth.  Don’t take it as a win, you still have to meet her other ‘list of requirements’ (and these are secrets in every female’s heart), make her feel safe around you.  Therefore, always be a gentlemen.

Males have these bad habits.  Please don’t do this.  If you’re not good with jokes or being funny, don’t, you’ll come across as silly.  Just stick to what you know and be yourself.  Don’t be all over the place.  You’ll come across as too strong, like asking for her telephone number/we-chat/whatever in the first five minutes.  That is a no-no in dating.  Watch how the conversation progresses and then, if you have been talking for more than an hour.  Yes, then you can ask for those ‘precious’ contact digits.  Usually if she likes you, she will offer her email, phone number or we-chat ahead, without you asking.  So don’t worry too much about it!  The detail here is to enjoy the conversation, nothing more and nothing less.

Next one is, R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  Aretha Franklin sung it perfectly.  If you don’t respect women, how can she trust you or if she tells you she has a boyfriend or husband, please respect her wishes.  It means her ‘guard is up’, take it as a practicing experience and it means that from this lesson you can make a good friend.

Continue with eye contact, but never hold your eyes fixated for more than three or four seconds at a time.  Then look around her contour, but don’t stare deeply while you’re getting to know her.  You’ll creep her out and scare her away!

Smile whenever it is needed, but don’t over do it.  Be confident and charming, but never too much.  Females are not stupid.  They do know better and can sense it.

If you’re shy, practice in a mirror what your going to say.  The best thing to understand is the following: don’t hog-up the conversation about yourself.  Ask her questions, make her the center of attention.  Marilyn Monroe said it perfectly, “Naturally, there are times when every woman likes to be flattered… to feel she is the most important thing in someone’s world.  Only a man can paint this picture.” Take it into consideration, if she is going to be your queen, she needs to feel like one!  Ask her about her job and when she says something interesting, just answer, “Oh, that’s fascinating!  Tell me more. I’d like to know about that.” Further, pay attention on what she has to say.

Also, avoid treating her like a ‘piece of meat’.  Try not to think about her as only for sex.  Staring at her body parts will certainly anger most females, get you rejected and nowhere.  Therefore, don’t do it!

About touching, avoid any kind of contact on her arms, legs or hands.  If you are going to touch to make a point, then shoulder and watch carefully her reaction.  If she springs back, it means she is not comfortable with you yet.  If she is okay with it, keep it at that and no more.  My mom used to say, “Daniel, a female decides who, when, where and how.” Avoid any kind of vulgarity.  Make your conversation clean at all times.

Do everything slowly and deliberately.  Take it easy!  Remember, ‘fast is slow and slow is fast’.  You’ll ‘do/achieve more with honey than with vinegar’.  Best of luck on your next date!

About the author

Daniel Otero

A New Yorker who has been living in China for the past 10 years. He's a freelance writer/journalist and ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher.

A former member of the military with extensive travel to 50 countries and has lived in six.

Lover of life, good food, travel, writing and dealing with social issues.