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A man’s words & actions can place him in hot water or in paradise with females

Written by Daniel Otero

‘Attracting the bees with honey’: Ways men can stop behaving like idiots

By: Daniel Otero


At this point, I would like to address this article to the men out there.  Yes, women may find it an interesting read or not, but it’s to focus on the male population between their late teens (past 18) to their late 30s (possibly 39 or so).  Gentlemen, please, there is something called common sense out there when talking to females. Again, affirmative, the female mind is more emotional than the male one.  At least in the way it is mentioned by psychologist and ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’.  We [men] are more rational.  And, at the same time, we are not all the same.  Therefore, careful with stereotypes and my dear men, careful with what we say or show our female counterparts.  Our comments reflect our actions; furthermore, words which we utter, can get us into the gates of heaven or take us to the pits of hell.  A comment can cause dear gentlemen, to get rejected and end up with a sexual harassment charge.  It depends on you.

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Words well said can place us in a kind of gentlemen-like-state in the eyes of females. Attracting more of them, whether it is on a friendship basis or romantic.  Which one would you rather be?  The idiot who ‘puts his foot in his mouth’ or the man who women are always attracted to for his charm, wit and wise personality.  Now, the choice is entirely up to you.  Think before you speak and act accordingly before you do.

Listen to me carefully, I’m not perfect or a saint.  In my 20s and 30s, I was a dog.  Yep, the kind who had a girlfriend in every port during my career.  No man can be a boy forever.  This behaviour will eventually backfire in your life.  But, I was never accused of saying anything idiotic to the opposite sex and always knew when was the right time to keep my mouth-tightly shut!  This had to do in part with my upbringing.

Six points to avoid looking like an idiot, whether you are a male or female

Oh, mamma said, mamma said and with these words which I remember so well till this day, I learned plenty from her gracious wisdom.  When she stated, “Danny, please, a woman if she likes you will always decide where, when and how!  Never push things too far with your actions or words, woman know better and we are not stupid.” Then in a cheeky manner smiled, “That’s how I got your father.  I wasn’t the most beautiful girl at the party.  But I was the most charming.  When I met your father, he knew how much he could or couldn’t get away with by what I allowed him to say or in his behaviour towards me to do.”

At the same time, in this day and age, men have to learn.

Sadly, males are still learning the hard way.  And I’m not saying there isn’t an overreaction sometimes in society with political correctness.  But with these words, it’s a warning on what to say and on how to behave.  If you are a man reading these words, the problem could just be you!

Number one, compliment a woman when she looks beautiful.  There are ways to say it and what not to say.  Here’s an example, “Wow, that is a nice dress.  You look lovely!” Say no more or no less.  Leave it at that!  With your eyes, don’t leer-stare or say, “Hey baby, you have a nice a** (vulgarity to indicate a female’s backside)!” Already you are placing yourself in a ‘world of hurt’ when you address a person’s buttocks, bosoms, legs or anything to do with the groin area.  What makes you think you can get away with it in this day and age.  I sure wouldn’t dare, then why should you?  Come on guys, the latter comments are bound to cause damage.

Second, never start an in office romance.  Sorry, but these usually end up messy and as exhilarating as it sounds–90 percent can conclude in failure. This causes a problem for two in the office.  Unless you are two stable-mature adults; then that’s fine.  If you think you are getting into one of these.  Think about the future and possibly working in different offices, departments, areas or transitioning into another company.  When it comes to ‘affairs of the heart’, people can say or do things which will in a fight destroy the both of you.  The effects of an in office romance gone bad can destroy a person’s career.

Third and most importantly, keep your phone messages clean when getting to know somebody.  What you say or do can comeback to haunt you later down the road! Don’t send any lewd comments, photos or pictures of private parts.  If you can’t get my meaning; in other words, avoid sending pictures or comments about: condoms, your penis, breasts, vagina, buttocks and other vital parts.  For most people, specially women, it’s a complete turnoff when beginning communication and in the early stages of dating. Who thought they can get into somebody’s knickers/panties in this fashion? Completely foolish!  Messages can be sexy, provocative and well meant.  But in the beginning, keep your messages clean [as possible] when getting to know somebody.  When you’re in a relationship and know what the other person likes or dislikes, then you can say what you fancy.  However, I still believe in keeping things nice when messaging through the phone.  Because, if you say something wrong, it can get back to you in a bad way and destroy you or your life.  Politeness can say so much more at the beginning of a relationship than vulgarity.

Image from the Herald Sun

Fourth, this is for guys and could also be for the gals.  Touching.  Until you don’t know a person well, avoid any sort of: hugs, kisses or touching.  In the beginning, a simple and professional handshake can do the trick.  When in doubt, just don’t say or touch.  It’s better for you.  Keep things at a level of professionalism.  For some people, it’s best a quick touch on the shoulder, no more than three seconds to get a person’s attention and with a little eye contact.  If you notice that a person flinches, becomes scared or steps back, don’t take offence.  You don’t know what that person has been through or their traumas in life.  The best thing to do is to address that person by their first name or surname.  Always gauge the situation before you do.

Fifth, blokes (if you’re in the U.K. or guys in the U.S.), we have to learn to take and accept rejection.  It’s part of life.  You never stalk a person after they have turned you down.  You make an approach and if that person says, “I only want to be friends!” Specially in a working environment, step back, take a deep breath and be a gentleman.  Your response should be, “Okay and that’s fine!  Friendship it is,” drop the matter right then and there. Don’t pursue.  If the female is playing hard to get, that is different and these things should happen outside the work space.  You can send her a text to have coffee, if she still rejects you; then don’t continue and leave it at that for a certain period of time.  Just give her some space and text her in two weeks.  If she still continues to turn you down, forget about it!  Back off, leave her alone and move on. ‘There are more fish in the sea!’ Don’t continuously message her in desperation.  You will make things much worse in the end.

Sixth, one that my father taught me and it has served me well in my middle-age years. I asked my father when I was a teenager, “Dad, how many girlfriends should I have?” My dad lifted-up six fingers.  Wow!  To my shock and surprise, I was confused, but happily so!  Then my dad showed me with the index finger from his left hand and said, “You should only have one!” After, he stated with the five fingers from his right hand, moving slowly back-and-forth, “And take it slow!”

Ah, wisdom for the ages from my folks.  With that said my people, ‘slow is fast and fast is slow’.

In the end, ‘you get more done with honey than vinegar!’  

About the author

Daniel Otero

A New Yorker who has been living in China for the past 10 years. He's a freelance writer/journalist and ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher.

A former member of the military with extensive travel to 50 countries and has lived in six.

Lover of life, good food, travel, writing and dealing with social issues.