Asia Chinese History Comportamento Editor's Blog HK People News World

You have been ‘ghosted’

Written by Daniel Otero

Getting ‘ghosted’ in this day and age by an immature society

By: Daniel Otero

Had you ever heard the term, ‘being ghosted’?  Until several weeks ago, I had never heard of the concept.  Then, I began doing some research on the new dating practices of the 21st Century and learned plenty about what this word meant.

In my time, dating was pretty straight forward, it was without the over-complications and mire which today make going out with somebody so mind bottling!

Dating was in the 1980s a simple notion of, “You wanna go out!” Yes or no, she gave you her number if she was interested and from there let destiny take its course.

Actually, even now that I don’t date, I still do it this way or ask for a we-chat to be able to meet with people and establish a friendship.

But in this day and age with the dating apps, speed dating and unstable people on internet, the game of courtship got more complicated.

Well, then you start dating the girl of your dreams and suddenly after weeks, ‘your dream girl’ stopped texting you back for no good reason!

Aha!  Here is the kicker, you seemed like you were both getting along.  She was laughing at your silly jokes.  Teasing you, touching your shoulder, saying in a flirty way, “You’re so bad!” You’d go out frequently and have fun!  Till one day, like evaporating smoke, ‘your princess’ is nowhere to be found.

Once again, you try to text her and there is no answer for days or weeks.  You go to the places you both frequented together, you call her mobile phone and nothing.  If you know where she lives, she doesn’t answer the door for you anymore!

As if ‘the ground has swallowed her!’

You know, it sucks, and this is the truth my friend.  You have been ‘ghosted’!  And it damn well hurts!

First, without sounding too needy, gather your thoughts.  You immediately stop texting her.  Give her sometime, space and let her contact you if she’s interested once again.

The reasons are complex, as these are immature and baffling.

She probably got bored, she didn’t find you suitable as a potential mate or found you immature.  However, what she has done is for worse and more immature by ‘ghosting’.

Do not bother knowing the reasons, just stop what you’re doing!  Not everything in life you can fix and not everybody wants to confront or give a clear answer.  It is part of the world we live in and the reality of dating nowadays.

Therefore, guys or gals, I know you may be hurt.  Do your best to get on with your lives, let go, keep busy and focus on the future.

If she is interested, then she’ll contact you again.  That is why, and I say, stop and don’t contact her anymore or ask for the reasons why.  What she did was wrong and possibly she is too childish to deal with you face to face.  Don’t insist, just carry on with your life and like the old saying goes, ‘There are plenty of fish in the sea.’

By the way, ladies and gents, the females do not only ‘ghost’.  However, more frequently than not, the males do it too!

About the author

Daniel Otero

A New Yorker who has been living in China for the past 10 years. He's a freelance writer/journalist and ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher.

A former member of the military with extensive travel to 50 countries and has lived in six.

Lover of life, good food, travel, writing and dealing with social issues.