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Romanticism versus Reality

Written by Daniel Otero

Romance & Marriage…


By: Daniel Otero



What’s causing 50 percent of our divorces and break-ups worldwide?  Is it the lack of communication, sex or romanticism?


Well, for me, romanticism has been long dead.  It was a movement at the end of the 18th Century to idealize what your “Romeo and Juliet” should be like.  Here’s the problem, this past movement had and has dreamy-dreamy romantic notions and doesn’t deal with the realities of life.


Sadly, it’s distorting the truth in many couples’ lives.  And yes, possibly a little romance is important after marriage; especially for those couples who are too busy, most will do a date night.


This is fine, but the reality of marriage is that you’re marrying a person who is flawed.


And what have I learned about marriage?  It takes two people to honestly work it out if it’s going to last.  In other words, when you take out the money, sex and if you have any good looks; all you have left is a person who 90 percent of the times is a good human being, but also does their fare share of mistakes.


What keeps the marriage together?  Well, it isn’t the above.  Because we all get old. What keeps us together is open and brutally-honest communication.  That’s the bonding ‘glue’ in any relationship, after all the hormonal passions have gone out the window.  The other one is simply, love.


That’s marriage and for all of those whom are still together and working it out, they must understand another fact.  Vows have to be remembered and honored every five years to keep us stable, correcting our mistakes and in check.


No, ladies and gentlemen, it’s not the whirlwind honeymoons in Paris or Rome that make your marriage work.  But the day to day fight to keep your love alive, the push for happiness and to be together.  The best word for a couple is to solidify their commitment to each other and cherish their existence.


Therefore, if a marriage can nowadays last more than 15 years, it’s already a miracle.


And we must never idealize marriage.  These are the biggest causes for separation and divorce. Ladies and gentlemen, come down form the clouds and learn the first lesson: communication. Second word, bonding.  The third word is teamwork.  Then, maybe/possibly you can all get it right!

There’s no secret to marriage or romanticism.  There’s no “Love potion number 9” sold by the gypsy at the corner store or in the air.


However, asking those around me what made relationships stay together.  Well, if the person was female, the vast majority answered: love, being loyal and children.  While for the men, it was sex first and then love.


After all, psychologist say 40 percent of relationships are based on sex and the other 60 percent is based on communication/love.


Therefore, in the end, we all go back to love and add a dash of details.


Here people have to be somewhat mature and know when it’s the right time to select a man and woman.  And the best principle is, “Marriage isn’t about the person you want to live with,” this is a passe notion. “…it’s the person you can’t live without!”

About the author

Daniel Otero

A New Yorker who has been living in China for the past 10 years. He's a freelance writer/journalist and ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher.

A former member of the military with extensive travel to 50 countries and has lived in six.

Lover of life, good food, travel, writing and dealing with social issues.